I See Beauty

I am a solitary creature, a bold individual. I have the consciousness to recognise it, which I don't believe is very unique in this world of more-than humans. I have the ability to communicate my recognition of that, something I believe IS unique amongst creatures. Every human has that ability however, it is unique considering we are but a fraction of all individuals existing in this ecosystem, despite how vast our species is. We exist like the singular dots in a pointillist art piece, each one with its own tone that together makes a masterpiece of varying shades when seen from afar.

This is how I think of all creatures, plants, elements and particles that participate in constructing and upholding this abundant life system we exist in. These considerations fuel my practice; they fuel my actions, they fuel my interactions with people on a daily basis. In ways that are both beautiful, respectful, and simultaneously, ways that can fill me with anxiety. Yes, anxiety through my respect of individuals, it feels weird to say but it also feels like when living in a world where physical things and conceptual things have been pulled out of their places and left in a mess by us; it only makes sense to me that straightforward honesites can feel tangled or be responded to in backwards manners .. but we roll with grace, always over here.

It is through this (I'm unsure how tangible it really is) that I've learned the value of manifesting beauty. I was raised Christian so the idea of God making things and simply saying "it was good" sits sternly within my soul, whether I still connect to the doctrine or not.

What do you make in this world that you think is good? is beautiful? is worth being appreciated? do you make interactions with strangers that are good? do you make food that is good and share it with others? but also are you inspired by the good you see and manifest it for yourself? are you inspired to make beautiful things that people can appreciate? do you say beautiful words to people? do you ensure that, even in the smallest ways, the colour of your dot on the canvas is a beautiful vibrant one?

A lot of questions there, mostly for myself. I'm always very hard on myself and I find it difficult not to be but since 2019 and over the recent months (this stuff took a bit of a break from mid 22-23) this is how I've endeavoured to be hard on myself, this is the pressure I've been applying. I can see it's results manifested even in the fact that I've the motivation right now at 1:08am to lay here writing this, something I've been desiring to do for a long time.

I've confidence in the fact that my individual tone is beautiful due to my choice to make it so, in my interactions with others, in the practices I engage in (exemplified heavily all over this website). I do this mainly for myself, to be able to keep moving without burning out in this hot hot world but also for people who may think like I do to see they aren't alone (in whatever way they may think like me) and so that I can have the ability to instill this similar type of motivation into my children one day. I feel like if I don't, it will be hard for them to traverse this world of dark grey, pale brown and muddy red dots on this vast pointillist piece without becoming pale tones themselves.

I think I've felt what it is to be a pale tone (yep that year-long break is what I mean). For me it manifested in fear, anxiety, uncertainty, a whole losing of myself, a struggle I'd not even wish upon my worst enemies. I realised, again, the importance of the natural sublime; to look at a great mountain range or a raging river, a powerful dwarfing force, a mighty dot on the canvas, to see it's place, it's role, and gain a better understanding of one's own. to once again place roots in the earth, manifest your beauty and know that you have something to do here, you have consequences no matter how small you may be... You are here to be a beautiful individual dot on this vibrant pointillist piece.

I appreciate you for indulging my rant <⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)⁠↗

I hope you have a beautiful day! (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

Thanks and blessings till you read me again.

Dane